We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
