And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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