nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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