the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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