Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
is wine microwaveable?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
