I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
