Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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