Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
