I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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