Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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