Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
