hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
