just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
