Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
