my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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