i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
