Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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