I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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