return my video game
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
