This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
