Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
