I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
