I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
