I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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