this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
