So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
