I skipped work to stalk him.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
