hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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