don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
