sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's official drugs can't kill me
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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