We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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