the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
