We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
