btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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