I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
