My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we're making bets on your personal life
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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