no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He kissed a someone with a penis
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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