Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
