I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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