I CAN MOONWALK!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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