I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize