This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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