worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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