the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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