i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
