Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
