you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
