I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
