just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
