I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
