I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I look better un-naked...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They have beer where we have blood.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
