I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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