do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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