I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im six kinds of drunk right now
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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