her vagine was all disorganized.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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