A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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