Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
