do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She announced her abortion via fbk
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
