I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
