her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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