I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
