sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Boobs are out for the taking
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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