My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
