I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have fence marks all over my body
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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