i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
