the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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