True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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