what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
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Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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