sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
