Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
