I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
