i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
