Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
