Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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